self-evaluation

I don't know what to say now about my experience. I definitely changed as a writer from the write the author's meaning to how the author got his meaning out. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I can relate it to my calculus class. Dr. Parrish is my calculus III teacher, and he is an extraordinary the way he teaches. Most math professors teach by showing a formula of a partial derivative and using it in a problem. On the contrary, Dr. Parrish shows his students how the mathematician used simple calculus to prove a formula. The light bulb hit me on Friday when we were discussing proving limits of three dimensions by the epsilon and delta method that everyone overlooks the simple tools that make the complex beings. In the essay Fourth of July, I felt the same way. This whole time I read a work to find its themes only. But now! But now I read an essay like it’s my Bible or Koran or Torah, looking for intricate details that never would have popped when I would read while I am in bed. Please forgive though if the transition of analyzing work takes longer for me. I am a civil engineer major. My parents are both engineers. I have literally been bred to be efficient, accurate, and precise. I am supposed to find the problem and find a solution, if I wanted to use creativity it was either at soccer or chess. And I did use that creativity well at soccer and chess.

Though it’s sad to say the first couple of times I read the essay, I looked for the broad ideas. Okay, what’s this mean and what’s the universal theme. Sweet, I found the theme. I’ll write me essay now and get done and move to something else. That’s why my first rough draft was very depressing and what was more depressing was that my group said I did a good job. When I read over my rough draft, I nearly barfed. As a result, the next few times I read the essay, I looked for details on how Audre Lorde told her story of racism. It was hard at first, but it got easier and easier. My final rough draft was so far in my life my best work. Hopefully Wendy thinks it was worth her time because this will automatically be a confidence booster.

Next time… I think next time I would like to be more critical and analytical. I get caught in the story net as most readers do. Better responses from my peers would be beneficial. Additionally, I feel as if I might have left something in the Fourth of July untouched, something of deeper meaning. I don’t know and probably will never know. But I want to make sure I dig every bone out of the grave next time. I’m going to make Shakespeare tear apart the heavens when he finds out that I’ve dug him out and left nothing for him in this world.